I am bitter, I am selfish and I have a lot of regrets. I would be a hypocrite if I will not say this. I usually fake some emotions and say that I don’t have regrets, but that’s just my way of defending my self to somehow feel that I belong, that I am part of a faction of people who normally say this painfully sarcastic cliché “ I dont have Regrets” at the very least, I feel assured.
I have been a loner all my life, although I have many friends and I enjoy their company, I still enjoy the time I spend with myself. I used to spend all day locked up in my room watching T.V. and DVD’s. I spend my leisure time eating out, watching movies and exploring things by myself. I find it entertaining amusing myself with a variety of activities. I remember, you know when people always say that they sing in the bathroom? I don’t sing, I dance, its fun but to some extent pathetic. But I never care, what’s important for me is to have fun and laugh even if the laughter I hear came only from me. Until one day, I was stunned with a reality.
Throughout my college life I have been exposed to the different facts of life, back then, I was aware but I never act, I never even bothered to care. I was pre-occupied with meaningless and selfish activities, eager to make a mark and belong to a bigger crowd. And if ever I feel obligated to do a charity work or any activity involving “giving help to others” it is mainly because it’s a requirement, for me to pass and construct a 400 word essay or reaction paper for Community Psych or Social Science or NSTP. I concern myself genuinely on enjoying my so-called privilege of independence as what college life usually dictates.
As I eventually mature, I felt a certain emptiness, a longing for something deeper. When I started working, I was assigned to facilitate a club where we teach the kids, tutor and teach them values and virtues. At first I was hesitant to start, when I stepped into the community I was stunned. I know there were depressed areas but never have I imagined that it would be like that. They live beside the creek where only garbage and trash habited. The smell, it invigorates your senses for the wrong reasons. The kids, dirty mostly smelly, this was the picture that I could never take off my mind, I realized that this is reality and as what my mentor said, to them this is paradise. A question lingered my mind, what can I do? I realized that there are people who are far more privileged who spend their time on meaningless things. I know I am not rich but I know I could use my profession to touch and to change lives. A rush of realizations flooded my mind and humbled my heart. There is no room for selfishness, I realize now is the time to act. In the duration that I have been that club, I’ve learned a lot of things, I have discovered my talents and ultimately my advocacy.
I transferred work and the club I facilitated eventually died. After a few months of adjusting, I met the Rotaract Club of Manila Metro, pitched the idea made some calls and to make the long story short, this paved the way for the birth of The Big Kuya Project. And my relation ship with the said club.
The facts were these:
I changed not because I need to but because I wanted to.
I devoted myself in forming others and without me knowing formed myself
I learned to offer myself, not what I have materially but myself as a person for the service of others.
I broke out of the box that I build, the box that I limited myself and amazingly it’s liberating.
I learned to share my heart, my love, a love that is willing to sacrifice my own comfort to make a difference in the lives that I hope, in any little way, I touched.
I can proudly say that I have no regrets without defending my ego, because these regrets made me who I am now, and made me learn a very important lesson in my life.
Ang pinupunto ko ay ito, Never limit yourself, never define yourself into one stereotype. You will never know your potentials if you restrain yourself in your comfort zone. It all boils down to your decision, your decision to change your life, and ultimately change others and inspire them to better than what they are today.
Paolo Naive
2008